Mobile Phone

I (insert your name here), take you (insert mobile phone name here), to be my lawfully wedded wifi device, to have and to scroll, from this day forward, for better or for worse apps, for richer, for poorer signal, in sickness and in healthy battery. To love and to cherish thy ringtone. From this day forward and once every 5 minutes, until death or upgrade do us part. Amen.

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